The division labor in our apartment goes this way: Rockstar in charge of the weekly laundry and garbage disposal and I'm in charge of the monthly cleaning and weekly dishwashing (definitely not daily...for as long as we still have some dishes and utensils left, we leave the soiled ones pile up- hehe...hey, dishwashing soap can get expensive too...hehe). But March had been a very busy month for us and it was somehow hard to keep up with the regular schedule. And Mother Goose seemed to have a radar, for in her e-mail a week ago, she reminded me to clean the apartment! Hehe...mothers really know best. What do I expect? Back in UP, every time she visited my boarding house, she would often discover my electric fan with missing blades, as they were all covered with dust. That freaked her out. It's a good thing, we don't have fans here. Hehe. So I really have a bad reputation for keeping, even a very small room, sparkling clean.
So back to our apartment- we got a free carpet cleaning (just the carpet) by the end of March because we renewed our lease contract. Yey! I thought that would excuse me from my April cleaning duty. But then, the collections of dust, hair, paper bits, insects, etc. in the other areas of the house called my attention. So to make the story short, I heeded their call and tried to make the apartment conducive for human existence. And I was quite satisfied with my job. The only downside of cleaning is I often wanted to sleep after the job is done. It’s hard to resist the call of the fresh and sweet-smelling bed and pillow covers.
So, I did these house duties on a Black Saturday. Yes, it’s Holy Week by the way. I am missing the traditional, Pinas-style Holy Week. We still held classes and lab meetings Thursday and Friday of the said week. I managed to attend the masses though, for they were scheduled in the evenings. What I wasn’t able to do was to go to confession. This is the time of the year when I recall what I have done wrong and ask for God’s forgiveness. I know I can go to confession at any day during the whole year, but having missed this one led me to think if there was an alternative to asking for His forgiveness, at least at this moment. Then I realized, “Why not ask forgiveness from the people you’ve hurt or people you’ve instigated a fight with?”
-o0o-
In our Kasaysayan II (Asian History) class, our professor asked us to choose any book tackling relevant Asian events. One Saturday morning, I went to the Main Library to search for possible reading articles. I happened to see a thin book with glossy pages, much like a primer, telling the story behind the war between Israel and Palestine. As I was not really very enthusiastic about reading a book on Asian history, I thought I should borrow something which can be read quickly and of course something in full color to make reading enjoyable at least. It turned out that the book was worth-reading as it opened my eyes to never-ending struggles abroad. Our professor, who happened to be one of the feared personalities in the University, asked us to make a mini-book report during our in-class 2nd exam. He gave a good remark on my output, and coming from him- it made me think that I understood the text well and consequently, the motives and actions of each party for the continuing battle. In our Communication II class, we were asked by our professor to choose one topic we would write about for the rest of the semester. And as if I wanted to make my life miserable, I chose the issue about MILF and the government’s ongoing negotiations with the group. I chose the topic because the issue resurfaced that time. In addition, I knew I would have a lot of reference materials concerning the said topic. But it was a double-edged dagger. The numerous references available to create a well-researched paper would mean an in-depth reading of all the references, before I can sit down and actually write the paper. “Did I have the time?” was the major question I had in mind. This was just a general education subject. “Should I spend more time in this than the courses for my major?” This time, my professor was more demanding. I came up with “good enough” papers which my professor knew I could still improve further. The position paper was the most unforgettable one because it appeared that I did not really defend the side I was on. For some reasons I consolidated from my references, I supported our Muslim brothers. At the beginning of my write-up, I used the term “insurgents”. And my professor had a freaked-out comment, “How do you defend your position, when you yourself designate them as insurgents?!” And in the end, I somehow defended too the government. In short, there were things I did not understand. And the truth was, it was hard to decide which side to be on. I realized then that in war, there isn’t any gray area. It’s either black or white. And being the type of person who when asked to choose or decide, would usually say “it depends”, I knew I would not be able to live through war. Why didn’t I just write about simple matters? After all, the intricacy of the topic was not the one being tested in that course, but the writing skills. It was not about the grade, for I still got a satisfactory final mark. What bothered me was the realization about my deciding capabilities, which were revealed through my writing. Two years ago, I bought the book The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. It was a story, telling the journey for redemption-with settings spanning the Communist-occupied to the present-day Taliban-ruled Kabul in Afghanistan. I would say that that was one of the best books I’ve read. When the movie was shown in the Philippines, I never got the chance to see it. It was today, during the last day of spring break that I got to watch the film online. And all I could say is that it had all the necessary elements of an excellent film.
The three separate stories of battle in different places taught me that war is inevitable. People are different and clashes would take place once in a while. But how come they persist? I have asked many times before, “Why aren’t the authorities doing something?” It seemed so easy to initiate negotiations and come up with agreements which will benefit everyone. I always had the thought, “If I were the peace negotiator, I would have easily reunited these opposing forces.” I have always thought that people can forgive and forget- maybe because I perceive human nature as generally good. A year ago, reality bit me. It turned out that some wounds didn’t heal easily. I was caught in between two clashing individuals who were both my friends. It came to a point where I had to choose who to stick with. One of them made the decision not to communicate with me anymore, because of a sensitive condition that person was in at that time. I agreed. After some time, I tried to communicate with that person- hoping to patch things up, but to no avail. The other friend never intervened. I thought that in time, they will be okay. But now it appears that the most likely thing to happen is that mistakes will be forgiven but people will be forgotten. It was then that I began to understand the difficulty of bringing back people together. If I cannot initiate reconciliation between two persons, how much more among groups whose conflicts are deeply-rooted. It was also that year, when I got into an argument with somebody in defense of a friend and for upholding work ethics. I don’t know if I will ever get to speak with that person again. 2008 was the year when I had a share of enemies, with whom I never reconciled with. Oh, and I just remembered. There was also one person I’ve hurt three years ago. Again, I tried to make things okay again, but I failed.
-o0o-
In this lifetime, there will be always be people who would be hurt by our words or actions. Inasmuch as you want to make peace with them, you have no control of them or of the situations you are in. Inasmuch as you want to reunite people, sometimes you do not know the details…sometimes you have no idea of how bad the injuries were to both parties. So enemies remain as such and you just allow time to mend everything. I guess it works that way sometimes. But what I’ve realized was, I should not stop working our way towards reconciliation. I should not stop working my way towards my peace of mind. There were times that I gave up and just thought that maybe, at my deathbed we would all be at peace…maybe. It’s a continuous struggle, and that is part of being human. But what matters is realizing that there is a way to be good again (theme of The Kite Runner), at least in terms of making peace with other people. It may start with a simple “Sorry.” or “I forgive you.” or to the more meaningful “Let’s start anew.” And in the end I can say that I am satisfied with my job. And the call of the fresh and sweet-smelling relationships would be hard to resist.
HAPPY EASTER! =D
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